Ok.... I'm gonna explain that vague vent status I posted.... I don't want you guys to worry about me.... I'm just having a bit of a hard time and there is to many things going through my head right now.... my birthday is in a couple of weeks.... and usually I'm really excited for it.... but my family is in a very very hard financial slump.... my mom lost her job because her company denied her leave of absence while she was injured.... so everything is really tight.... I've been graduated from high school for a year now.... and I still haven't been able to get funds for collage.... I mean I was a good student in high school... I got good grades even got some scholarships.... but even with those.... tuition is too expensive.... and any attempt at my family getting me a loan has been denied...

I've been trying to get a job.... but I'm so scared.... my depression has been kicking me harder recently for unexplainable reasons.... and I think I've had a few panic attacks.... I haven't told my parents.... I'm taking medicine that's supposed to help.... and it had been.... but just these past few days it's really hit me hard despite it.... I feel like I should have a job already.... I feel like I'm wasting my time.... and I just feel like I'm a burden on my family.... I'm not making any money of my own and I'll be like 20 in a few weeks..... I don't feel 20..... god I don't know how to be freaking adult and that scares me.... too much scares me.... I want to keep going forward but I feel like everything is blocking the path..... I don't know how.... it's unlikely I'll even have anything to look forward to for my birthday just because my family literally can't afford to do anything.... :')

Anyways god that was awful and I'm probably just worrying you guys worse.... I'm sorry...