So maybe some of the people who I would normally talk to regularly, or those of you who don't talk much but love to see my art!~ .....
You are probably curious why my activity on this site is so sporadic and why I suddenly just drop conversations and rps like nobody's business or how I post art in random bursts and take requests that I never get around to...
So while technically... it's not because I'm busy.... but I am very easily able to get tired and lose motivation when I am stressed.
Why am I stressed you must wonder now?
Well one piece of the puzzle is my anxiety... I'm not sure if it's just general anxiety or something more specific like social anxiety. I've never had a chance to get tested for a diagnosis.... but the symptoms and my behavior point to this.
Second and most prominent factor at the moment is family issues. I love my family it's not their fault and it's nothing bad about them. But I feel I should explain what's happening.
My 85 year old grandmother live with me, and my parents. She's very frail. She's had two hips replaced broken her back multiple times... has scoliosis and arthritis. On top of this she has severe dementia.
To anyone who doesn't know what dementia is... imagine your brain growing holes... like physical holes.... that is dementia... her memory is deteriorating, along with her ability to move around and if she ever moves out of our house she is going to a nursing home no questions asked.
My grandmother has been having constant back pain for three weeks now, she's been to the hospital twice and gotten no answers. As well as the doctor at least 3 times and been visited by a nurse... she isn't sleeping, she's hardly eating, and she is having delusions.
I am at home watching my grandmother for a majority of the day while my parents are at work... I have to make sure she doesn't hurt herself, explain things a hundred times over to her and hope she understands my answers, feed her despite her really screwed up schedule, and hold my temper or my tears when she starts getting delusional and accusing...
It's very exhausting... I'm not a nurse but I feel like one when i have to watch her so closely... it's really scary, because I don't know When it's going to get worse ((not if, when.... dementia can only get worse... if she doesn't die from something before it gets to another stage she will eventually be behaving like a baby... and before that she is going to forget who we are... and that thought is also terrifying...
Like damnit I'm crying right now.
So yah... this is why I go "radio silent" so frequently sometimes.....
So my gradnmother went to the hospital again last night.... this is the third visit... she is coming home today. My grandmother has continued to be demanding and delusional. We are wondering if the pain is in her head instead of something physical because she keeps saying the pain is in different areas and it's painful for different reasons... insurance isn't gonna cover her being in the hospital for a re-evaluation of her demnetia or for evaluation for a nursing home.... nor will anyone help us pay to put her in a nursing home even though she needs it.
I'm so tired guys... last night was the first full night of sleep I got this past week. I didn't know she went to the hospital until I woke up this morning... I slept through the ambulance coming to pick her up.
We think this might be an act she is pulling because she wants to move and she can't.... do she is making this difficult on purpose.... -_-'
I'll see if her behavior changes now but I'm doubting it... another thing is that none of the nurses or doctors are seeing her true nature because she changes her attitude while they are present. It's called "honeymooning" basically she acts all nice and sane while the doctors or people she doesn't see regularly are present... they don't see the evidence of what she does when she is home with only my family. So they have no "evidence" to fund her for re-evaluation. They have to have proof of this behavior while a doctor is present... but she doesn't show it while they visit her.
--------------------- edit 2/25/2017 part 2
Welp nanny had difficulty getting out of bed and was acting difficult while alone in the room with my mom... she was about to be released from the hospital until she started crying in pain again.... so the discharge was canceled and the doctors coming back to talk with us and her.....
--------------------- edit 3/14/2017
So my grandmother is at it again after three weeks... she apparently believes my dad is evil incarnate and is trying to give her too many pills or too few depending on who asks and when :/
I find it ironic (not) that she has gotten ugly again after occupational therapy stopped coming (( they've been coming twice a week for three weeks now to help her rehabilitate from when she went to the hospital)for the third time...... in two weeks... for no legitimate reason than her back hurt.....) and she threatened to call the ambulance again tonight for he same faaaacking reason.... the even better news is that good old me will be home alone with her tomorrow.... give me distractions ... please just I don't want to think about this
((Btw there is no way in hell shes going to let anyone in the family sleep tonight. If she's up we're all up and the old lady makes sure of it by screaming, yelling and knocking our doors and coming in uninvited to our bedrooms demanding medicine :^)
I've been hiding in my bedroom with a chair from the kitchen blocking my door so she doesn't try to barge in
IM COMPELTELY FINE! NOTHING IS WORNG IM NOT LOSING MY ****** MIND AT ALL
Hell has upgraded into her hating the entire family, my parents and I are now apparently evil uncompassionate wardens imprisoning her in this house ((even the dog is in on it)),we woke up to her sitting in her walker with a coat on with a backpack next to her apparently waiting for someone ((no one )) to pick her up and move her.....
It's like 5:30 am...
She called my uncle to spread lies about the care we're giving her (uncle and his family knows what's up with her dementia, don't worry >>') but she told my mom to talk to him and when she didn't like what my mother was telling my uncle (the truth) she started screaming to give the phone back and hitting her. Like smacking my mom. ((Didn't hurt physically but it still scared the hell out of me to watch my grandmother do that.))